David Bombaça | Minka Guides contributor

Polyamory books - Stepping off the Relationship Escalator by Amy Gahran CREDIT David Bombaça

Best relationship and polyamory books for navigating non-monogamy

Reading is quite a fascinating experience. Like a snapshot of a particular place in time, it lets us look into...

To quote the iconic @gloriasteinem, "This is what

To quote the iconic @gloriasteinem, "This is what 40 looks like." I entered a new decade of my life earlier this year and over the past 8 or so months I've realised how few people in their 20s and 30s know what 40 actually looks like 🤷‍♀️ They clearly think it looks old 👵 They think it looks like marriage, mortgage, children and being on some kind of a career ladder 👰🏠👶🪜 They definitely don't think it looks like blue hair, colourful clothing, festivals, non-monogamy, and putting all your life in storage to go backpacking 🌈 I know this because I keep getting told that I don't look 40... and at first, it felt like the compliment they intended it as 💁‍♀️ After all, in our age-obsessed society, being told you look younger than you are is seen as the ultimate accolade, especially once you reach your middle era 💅 Yet, slowly, I've begun to feel less smug and more... invisible. Like I've somehow slipped through the cracks of life. Like maybe I'm failing at it 😬 But that simply isn't true. So, I'm here to tell you that THIS is what 40 looks like 💙 It also looks like all the badass friends I have who were born in 1981 too, like @missamyzing, @miss.e_oh_my and @whyitshayley 💪 Because 40 doesn't look any one particular way. There is room for all our different versions of this age 🙋🏿‍♀️🙋🏻🙋🏽‍♂️ Which is why telling someone they don't look their age is like saying you don't really know what it looks like 👀 So, instead, I recommend telling someone how they make their age look. Do they make 50 look fun? Do they make 60 look beautiful? Do they make 40 look powerful? These are much lovelier compliments because it acknowledges that you see the person for who they are 🌻 I'm mainly putting this here so I can link people whenever they 'gift' me with the information that I don't look my age 😂 Want to read more about my thoughts all this? Click the link in my bio ☝️

You all know I have been LIVING in these dungarees

You all know I have been LIVING in these dungarees lately 🌈 But did you know I was sent them as a challenge? Yes, @lucyandyak gifted them to me to see if I could create a 'festival look' for @mightyhoopla this Saturday... but only using what I already had in my wardrobe 🧐 Usually, this would be SO EASY for me. Except, I put my whole life in storage earlier this year. Yup, ALL my drag. ALL my festival wear. ALL my club attire. The lot 👯‍♀️ I could easily be tempted to go on some fast fashion website and drop a tonne of cash on something I probably won't wear again. Instead, I got to team these amazing rainbow beauties with my fave swimwear, trainers and jewellery to create a super comfy and fun outfit for Saturday! 💖 Plus, the best thing is that I 100% will be wearing these clothes more than once. Anyone who has watched my stories lately won't be surprised to know that I'm wearing my @lucyandyak dungarees right now. I'm obsessed with them 🙈 Want a pair of your own? Use the code 'hoopla&yak' to get 10% off on your order 🥳 So, who is coming to @mightyhoopla this weekend?🙋‍♀️ 🎉

Can we talk about the weekend, please? 🌞🌈🥰 @margatepride has been a highlight of my calendar for a number of years now. It's unlike any other Pride celebration I've ever encountered 🏳️‍🌈 Very DIY, with zero corporate sponsorship, it has grown into this gorgeous celebration of love, freedom and queerness. It's also hands down one of the best parties I go to all year 👯‍♀️ Dancing in the sunshine to amazing music, surrounded by wonderful people, at @thesundeckmargate is truly one of my happy places 🌞 And this year, I managed to dance on through to the wee hours at @margateartsclub as well, making Saturday an unforgettable experience 🥳 This year was kind of a tough one obviously. Lockdowns and painful life experiences had left many of us wondering if we were mentally and emotionally ready for a big weekend. So, it's a testament to how wonderful the energy of @margatepride is that we ended up having THE BEST TIME, even after such a difficult 18 months for everyone 🤗 Personally, it was a big one for me too. This weekend was the two year anniversary of a pretty emotionally traumatic time for me and I hadn't anticipated how anxious I would feel. Spending it surrounded by some of my favourite people in the world, who were there for me with supportive chats and big hugs, has meant I've come through it feeling incredibly grounded and positive about the future 💖 On top of all of this, it was also a big weekend for me because it was the first time I've ever attended a party with two people I'm dating - and everyone had an amazing time ✨ This happy polyam moment has made me feel enormously grateful to have such amazing people (partners, metamours and friends) in my life. Heading home to London now with a heart full of joy 🥰 Thank you Margate for all your magic.

Which ones have you read? 🤓 My favourite part

Which ones have you read? 🤓 My favourite part about being open about my lovestyle is that I'm now able to make connections with loads of other polyamorous people around the world 🌍🌎🌏 If you've been following me for a while then you probably know that I'm really big on building community, helping people find supportive connections and sharing resources so others know what help is out there ❤️ So, I was really delighted when one of my digital friends on here was up for sharing some of their insights too! @bombamaki is from Portugal but now lives in Sweden and has been polyamorous for a number of years. We got chatting about books, especially all the classic non-monogamy ones, and it turns out that while I'm an expert on my polyam podcasts, David is very into relationship books and has pretty much read all the ENM ones 📚 Click the link in my bio to check out David's guest blog for Minka Guides ☝️ featuring the books he thinks you should check out if you're new to non-monogamy - and why. Plus, feel free to share the ones you have read in the comments below - especially those that didn't make the list. You never know who you'll help with your insights ❤️

📢 Calling all ethically non-monogamous folks in

📢 Calling all ethically non-monogamous folks in London: we want you! Well, we want you to come have a drink with us 😉 I've teamed up with @griffithjacqueline from the @blackfluent_polyamory_hub_uk and the kinky queen @miss.e_oh_my to bring you a drinks evening on the last Thursday in August 🍻 We'll be gathering in the enormous, colourful beer garden at the Fox and Firkin pub in SE London for a summery evening soirée 🌞 This is a social event for the ENM community, designed to help everyone make new friends and build our non-monogamous support networks 🤗 So, if you're polyamorous, ethically non-monogamous, in an open relationship or have just started exploring ENM, we would love for you to join us! ❤️ Click the link in my bio to find out all the details ☝️ Can't make it? Don't worry. We're hoping to make this a monthly event, so use the same link for details on how to sign-up for our mailing list 💌 Please share this info with your ENM friends, on your Stories and in your What's App groups so everyone in the community knows. Thanks! 🙏 Also, how great is the illustration @fififreckles_draws did for us? 🤩 You should go give them a follow.

It took me nearly 40 years to understand this self

It took me nearly 40 years to understand this self-love stuff 💖 If you'd asked me when I was younger if I loved myself, I would have been all like "OF COURSE! I'm great!" But the reality was, I often struggled to put myself first and thought I needed someone else to make me complete. It wasn't till my life pretty spectacularly fell apart in 2019 that I started to realise how lucky I was to have me. Turns out, this colourful, well-organised, anxiety-ridden goofball had always there, backing me up every time things got tough. So, I decided to start making her (AS IN, ME) my number one priority and so far, it's working out pretty great 🌈 This week is @relate_charity 's #RelationshipsWeek and this time they're focusing on how learning to #LoveYourself is a vital step towards enhancing all our relationships. Click the link in my bio to read the guest blog I wrote for them about how I've been able to grow my self-love through solo polyamory 🤗 (Also, after I took this photo, I also took a bunch of nudes because one thing I'm really loving these days is my 40-year-old body 👯‍♀️😉)