Polyamorous dating sites and apps

Polyamorous dating sites CREDIT Dimitar Belchev on Unsplash

One of the easiest and most transparent ways to meet other non-monogamous people is online. While there sadly aren’t many great polyamorous dating sites currently, there’s a range of apps that allow you to be very upfront about your relationships. Luckily for you, I’ve pretty much tried them all so you can read about the best and the worst ones below. 

I’ve also discussed how queer-friendly each app is, especially when it comes to queer women and trans people. I also should point out that I live in London, so these are the best apps I’ve found for polyamorous people in the UK. If you live in the US, I’ve included some links to other polyamorous dating sites and apps that I’ve come across by not tried myself. Comment below and let me know if you have another one to recommend.

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OkCupid

Widely considered to be one of the best apps for open relationships and non-monogamous dating, OkCupid works on a platform that matches people based on their profile categories (such as sexuality, gender identity and relationship status) and their answers to questions about your life, giving people a percentage match based on their algorithm of compatibility.

I find OkCupid the best app for polyamorous dating because there’s a lot of non-monogamous people on there and you can filter out anyone who identifies as straight. As someone who usually dates other queer-identified people, this is a huge benefit for me, so I don’t have spend hours scrolling through cis straight men. Plus, you can link your profile to one (yes, just one) of your partners, which helps build a clearer picture of your non-monogamous status. Also, if you aren’t into apps or are trying to spend less time on your phone, their dating site is just as good for swiping and connecting with people.

#open

I discovered the #open dating app after the founders were interviewed on the podcast Multiamory. I was really impressed to hear that not only is a dating app that is specifically for the sex-positive and non-monogamous communities. They also don’t share anything with Facebook – so no linked log-ins and therefore no dating sharing.

This polyamorous dating app is still in the early days of development, so there aren’t loads of people on here in the UK yet but there’s still enough to make it worth the effort. One of the interesting things about #open is that it’s based around hashtags, which means you can search for people with the same interests or kinks. So whether you’re into jelly or pegging, you can easily find people like you.

Polyamorous dating sites and apps CREDIT Unsplash-Mikael Frivold

Feeld

This app was originally launched as 3nder, positioning itself as the Tinder for matching couples with people interested in threesomes (or moresomes). Since rebranding as Feeld, this app is now quite popular with people interested in ‘polyamory, kink, and alternative sexual preferences.’

This is one of my favourites apps for meeting people as it lets you swipe left on someone but still be able to see them again. It’s only if you actively hit the minus (–) button that you never see them again. So you can build up a shortlist of people you may want to connect with but aren’t sure yet. Perfect for anyone as indecisive and picky as I am. The biggest downside about Feeld for me is that you can’t filter by sexuality, so most of my time on Feeld is spent scrolling through the predominantly large amount of straight men.

Feeld is also one of the best hookup apps for couples as you have the option to link your profile with one (yes, just one) of your other partners so you can indicate that you are non-monogamous – or just mention it in your bio.

Her

This women-only dating app recently updated their app to make it more inclusive of different identities and relationship models. This was definitely a great move towards making Her a lot more relevant for queer women, and while I’m yet to meet anyone great from this app, I really appreciate that everyone’s profiles are now a lot clearer about what they currently have and what they are ideally looking for.

Her now lets you list if you’re looking for a monogamous or a non-monogamous relationship, which I find hugely beneficial. Makes my swiping decisions so much easier if someone states clearly what they’re after and stops people from wasting each other’s time.

polyamorous dating sites CREDIT Vonecia Carswell on Unsplash

Taimi and Fiori

I’ve listed these two apps together as they appear to be useful for the trans community (at least, from what I can tell as a cisgendered person).

Taimi was originally launched in 2017 as a dating app for gay men but quickly increased its scope to include all LGBTQI+ people. Still, it feels quite skewed towards gay men as you’re asked to identify if you’re a top, bottom or switch when you create a profile. Once I joined, I was surprised to discover loads of people who… didn’t really look that queer. 

After much confused swiping, I realised that the app attracts a lot of straight men who are interested in women, both cis and trans. If you’re a trans woman and would like to share your thoughts on this app, I would love it if you could comment below. Otherwise, I didn’t find Taimi to be that diverse and after only a couple weeks of exploring it, I deleted this app.

Fiori only launched in early 2020 but already I’m quite impressed by it. This dating app is for transgender and non-binary people plus their cisgender allies. Unlike Taimi, this app feels genuinely inclusive. I’ve even seen some cis gay men with profiles on here saying that they joined because they wanted to be part of something that was queerer than other apps. 

Having only recently launched, it still doesn’t have loads of people on there but I recommend giving it a try. As someone who is quite skoliosexual, I really liked that Fiori lets you filter everyone and only see those who identify as non-binary. If you’re trans and/or non-binary and have used this app, I would love to hear your thoughts on it in the comments as well.

Tinder, Hinge and Bumble

Ah, Tinder. It’s a very open playing field. The best thing about Tinder is pretty much everyone is on there but it’s also the worst thing too. Be prepared to do a lot of swiping to find before you’ll find anyone great. People don’t add much info to their profiles and rarely read yours before they swipe right, so it takes a lot of work to find people who are ethically non-monogamous. However, it’s still worth a shot, especially when you’ve exhausted the apps above.

For me, Hinge isn’t that different from Tinder. The profile set-up does mean you have to add a little info about yourself but aside from that, the app has a pretty similar structure with a broad pool of people that you can’t filter apart from gender. That said, I have seen a couple of non-binary celebs on there recently (a certain drag queen and another model) so it clearly is becoming more popular with the queers.

Regarding Bumble Date, I say don’t bother. Even though the app has quite a feminist ethos (only women can approach men), the whole app is structured around the gender binary. It’s overwhelmingly straight and I don’t think it ever tried to match me with a woman. I’ve heard good things about Bumble BFF though if you’re looking to make new friends.

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